Getting Vulnerable

Self portrait.

I won't sit here and say it hasn't been fear that has held me back from genuinely leaping into art. I'm unsure if I always had one foot in and one foot out, making me not want to commit as fully as I can. Deep down, I always had some doubts about it. Maybe it was me projecting, but it felt like the circles I was a part of or the community I now have also had some doubts about me, and hence, I always felt the rug slowly being pulled from beneath me that I'm not good enough even to call myself an artist.
(for those who have been supportive, I do see you)

I've always had a full-time job, and when I quit to take the leap of faith, I gave up. I've done this twice, and though I've learned a lot from my failures, I question when to give up or if I should.

Art has always been my bread and butter; it has saved me through trying times, and I can't imagine not creating. The one thing I've been passionate about throughout my life is drawing and painting. Though I haven't put that into practice online, it's a deep practice in my daily life.

I've been worried about what I can bring to the table. I don't have much to say, share, or teach because so many people are already doing it, which goes back to thinking I'm not good enough.

And maybe the leap of faith has nothing to do with my art but more with taking a leap for myself, leaping to trust in myself, my process, my growth, and my failures. I've always had the practice of creating, and all this time, it has always to do with myself.

I have to master what it means to be me and be this human on this timeline who has a gift to create. I have many fears, but I don't want to look back at life and regret that I didn't put my all into something I deeply love and didn't do my best. I look back and see empty spaces in all the artwork that could've been. (woah, that got me emotional)

I want to be better and more present online to share my work, knowledge, and resources, and I hope even this little blog might help someone shift their perspective on their journey, whatever it may be.